Aug - 23 - 2019

How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie

This is a truly great book, and a classic. It has been in print since 1937. Once you read it you will understand why. It is not about manipulation, it is about winning friends, understanding their point of view, and helping them to understand your point of view as well.

As someone who despises manipulation, I have, for years, put off reading this book. The title seems to imply an unctuous, schmoozing, disingenuous set of tricks and techniques for manipulating people into doing what you want them to do. Nothing could be further from the truth about this book.

The truth is that people befriend and listen to people who are likable. This book is about transforming yourself into a polite, respectful, and likable person. It also points out certain losing approaches to dealing with others. So, this is not a book about manipulating others. It is a book about transforming yourself into someone who is likable, thus enabling you to "win friends." It is an amazing side-effect that if you listen to others and communicate in terms that they understand and value, then they will listen to you and, maybe, see your point of view, thus allowing you to "influence people."

The following points are taken from the “Special Anniversary Edition” of How to Win Friends and Influence People. Revised Edition. Dale Carnegie. Published by Pocket Books, New York. Copyright 1983.

 Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

  1. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
  2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
  3. Arouse in the other person and eager want.

 Six Ways to Make People Like You

  1. Become Genuinely Interested in People
  2. Smile.
  3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
  4. Be a good listener, encourage others to talk about themselves.
  5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
  6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

 How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

  1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
  2. Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
  3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
  4. Begin in a friendly way.
  5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
  6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
  7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
  8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
  9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
  10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
  11. Dramatize your ideas.
  12. Throw down a challenge.

 Be a Leader

  1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
  2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
  3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
  4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
  5. Let the other person save face.
  6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
  7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
  8. Use encouragement. Make fault seem easy to correct.
  9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Rating: Highly Recommended
Amazon link: How to Win Friends and Influence People

All Original Content Copyright 2014 Jon Bennett. All Rights Reserved.

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